Thursday, October 8, 2009

Worst Game Ever

Oh Milton Bradley, what were you thinking? I mean the title alone is snooze worthy, "Conserving Natural Resources Game and Poster Cards". You could have at least tricked us with "Eco Eco Dinosaurs" and just not had any dinosaurs involved, or "Don't Break the World" with a cartoon guy balancing the earth on a stick...and then make the boring contents be the same. But you made the title a warning, which I suppose is a good thing. Because no kid (nor adult) in their right mind would consider playing this game. Was this some sort of community service in game form, did some kids choke on the small plastic pieces from one of your fun games, so the government punished you into making this? That's gotta be it, because this is like cardboard Ambien.

Now, I'm all for conservation, and I love the earth, but I don't like to be tricked. Educational stuff that's disguised as "fun" bothers me, in fact it even bothered me when I was young, and I didn't fall for it then either. Oh, word games...lame, flash cards...lame, conserving natural resources game and poster cards...lame squared. See, I just squared "lame", and it was somewhat educational...that was lame. School's supposed to be boring, and toys/games are supposed to be fun. We go through get to the other. I'm not sure which one didn't get the memo, Milton or Bradley, but they both needed to be fired.

"Who wants to play Conserving Natural Resources Game and Poster Cards??"

"I wanna be Stripmining!" "I'm Clearcutting!"

It's not lost on me that this game is for schools, and since it's from 1971, this ecology theme was popular (Hippies). But even back then, if I saw the teacher grabbing this down from a shelf, I'd be like "Ohhhh crap!", and my mind would think about Scooby Doo.

When I first got this, I thought the cover was sun faded, but no. It's monochromatic blue, like the printer ran out of the other two pigments needed to make the full spectrum. "Ehhh, no big deal. Nobody's gonna play it anyway. Ship em out!". It sucks, and the game board, conservation cards, spinner, all of the game parts, they all suck too. I know that's a generalization, but what do you expect from me...I didn't pay attention in school!

Here's the scene, a large cave-like room, flames, distant screams, and a devil guy sitting at a desk. There are all these tattered, soot covered lost souls wandering around and sitting at tables. A fresh guy walks in, suit is still clean, hair all combed. Devil guy looks up. "Hello, Mr Jones. Welcome to Hell. You'll be spending eternity in this room, but the good news is, the game closet is right over there." He points his pitchfork toward the closet doors. Mr. Jones walks over. "Oh, well...this isn't so bad." He opens both doors wide, and all he sees are dusty bare shelves, except for one thing...Conserving Natural Resourses Game and Poster Cards. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"


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