Thursday, May 21, 2009

Atomic Clowns

I hate clowns. Those are really the only three words I need to write and most people understand, we all hate clowns. Maybe it's because as children we're told to avoid strangers, but when a clown is around...parental hands push us toward him/her/it to watch us react. "Oh honey look, he's deathly frightened of the creepy painted face jester, precious. Get a picture!" I hate clowns.

Clowns have been pushed on us in advertising, on television, in toys, everywhere. If kids are involved, clowns are there. That in itself should be a red flag, but no...push us closer. The movies are the only place that depict clowns for who/what they really are, evil, soul eating, white faced killers.

I bring up this clown thing because I was digging up in a cupboard and found these old "Scoopy" packages. Scoopy made ice cream cones, fun straws, all that fun kid party stuff back in the '50s and '60s. His face adorns the packages, he looks so nice. I found out how he got the name Scoopy, it's because that's what he did to children's innards...scooped them out, all while laughing, laughing, laughing! Scoopy is in a mental hospital now thinking about drinking out of your head with a straw.

These are pictures from an old Mattel tin litho jack-in-the-box. They are greasy haired, shifty eyed, and thinking about popping out and eating your eyes and windpipe...pop goes your life! Have you ever noticed a common clown theme is "hobo". Hobo!? Who thinks hobos are funny?

Hobo Clown Encounter: Ohhhhh, great, what a great costume. Get a shot of Billy next to him. He's so sad, he has to eat baked beans out of a can and carry his stuff in a bindle. That's great!

Real Hobo Encounter: Oh great, why'd we come this way. Billy! Don't look at him, he'll come over. Oh God, he's coming over...walk faster!

My last little bit of clown bashing is perhaps the most telling. These are from my collection of plastic figures. They appear to be '50s, maybe '60s vintage. They are circus clowns, but they seem to have an atomic rocket theme going. It really makes you wonder. I think they're mocking us and flaunting their nuclear prowess. They've launched satellites from kite strings and umbrellas, they're even drinking booze and riding missiles. They laughingly shoot warheads from their groin area in an almost sexual nature. We're talking atomic clowns here. They've been hiding their evil plans behind painted smiles and pointy hats.

They need to be stopped. A funny keystone cop is what we need right now. I heard clown's heads are filled with candy...grab a stick!

The ironic thing is, the only clown I like is Ronald McDonald...and he really is killing me, although slowly. I'm lovin it!

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